The Rise of Sober Dating: Why More People Are Seeking Love Without Liquor
How the Pandemic Supercharged the Sober-Curious Movement
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Chrissy Teigen made news last month when the cookbook author and social media superstar posted a heartfelt message on Instagram marking 365 days of sobriety. Speaking alongside her husband, singer John Legend, and their children, Teigen noted how many meaningful moments she missed because of drinking.
Not a drop of alcohol in 365 days! I miss feeling loopy and carefree sometimes, but to be honest toward the end, it didn’t give that fun feeling anymore anyhow. I drank to end crazy anxiety that later mostly went away when I – get this – quit drinking! Sigh.”
She went on to say, “Sometimes I get really frustrated looking back on days I should remember way better than I do because of alcohol.”
Were any of those days dates? If so, Teigen and the host of other celebrities who’ve been sharing their soberversaries might endorse the latest trend: sober dating.
As a burst of recent articles have pointed out, dating without alcohol is gaining traction.
The Wall Street Journal: “Why More People Are Dating Without Drinking.”
Vice: “Why Young People Are Choosing to Go Sober on Dates.”
Mashable: “How to Date While Sober (Curious).”
So what’s going on?
Photo credit: DianaIndiana via Canva
1. It’s Cool to Be Dry
Sobriety is sexy these days. Insider ran a list of “celebrities who have been open about their sobriety.” It tallied 44 names. Among them: Eminem, Robert Downey, Jr., Bradley Cooper, Rob Lowe, Daniel Radcliffe, Lana Del Rey, Ben Affleck, Brad Pitt, Keith Urban, and Kristen Davis. That’s a lot of demographics covered.
And as more and more celebrities show the way, the stigma against talking about addiction issues decreases, clearing the way for sobriety to be just another trait you’re looking for on a dating app.
The Wall Street Journal didn’t just assert this trend. It came with some facts and figures:
More than a third of people on the dating app Hinge say they are more open to going on a sober date now versus a year ago, according to a June survey. The preference is particularly pronounced among younger users, with 31% of 18- to 24-year-olds on the app saying they don’t consume drinks on an average date.
On Tinder, mentions of “sober” increased 26% from 2020 to 2021 in member bios. It’s already up another 22% this year, according to the company. Mentions of the words “beach” (10%) and “picnic” (23%) are also up from the beginning of the year, suggesting that people are meeting up for more than just drinks, Tinder spokesman Sheldon Bachan says.
Photo credit: Stefano Oppo via Canva
2. Larger Sober-Curious Movement
As USA Today noted last fall, one in five Americans reported “heavy drinking” during the pandemic. "Heavy drinking" was defined for women as having two days in a single week in the previous month in which the person had four or more drinks; for men, the number was five. The Rand Corporation also found that alcohol consumption ballooned by 14 percent during the pandemic; for women, the number was 41 percent.
No wonder, a year later, people are sober curious, a term that Mashable defines as “not going completely sober but minimizing drinking.” Dating seems to be at the forefront of this movement. The dating website eHarmony’s 2022 happiness index study found that 29 percent of people in relationships don’t drink alcohol, and 29 percent of their partners don’t drink either.
In a section called “Sober Curiosity,” the report says that 74 percent of all single daters have considered restricting their alcohol to some extent in the past year, and another 21 percent have considered not drinking at all. A stunning 94 percent of all single daters say they would be interested in dating someone who does not drink at all.
These days, the fastest route down the aisle may be to avoid the liquor aisle altogether.
Photo credit: eharmony.com
3. The Search for Meaning
But why are these trends happening? Because people want authenticity and meaning. That same eHarmony study found that three-quarters of single daters said they are more attracted to people doing personal growth work. They value happiness and say it comes from therapy, workouts, and alone time. (Eighty-seven percent say it comes from “date nights,” but that’s not true! One of the most popular pieces I’ve done on The Nonlinear Life explains why you should “Scrap Date Night.”)
Still, as the Journal put it, this growing desire for intimacy, not showmanship, is driving more daters to turn away from meeting at bars and instead meet for coffee, a stroll in the park, or a favorite hobby. “The pandemic upped daters’ desire for genuine connection, and drinking gets in the way of that connection, some say—in addition to being expensive and less healthy than other activities.”
While this movement might affect only single people (or, unfortunately, philanderers), it’s actually part of a larger trend emerging from the pandemic: People are starved for human interaction, positivity, and generosity. Having shown so many of us what we’re capable of if we’re trapped at home alone, the pandemic has reminded that want to become better versions of ourselves.
One might even say that we're all becoming a little more meaning curious.
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You might enjoy reading these posts:
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Or check out my books that inspired this newsletter: Life Is in the Transitions and The Secrets of Happy Families.
Or, you can contact me directly.
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