“I Would Do Anything for Love (But I Won’t Do That)” What Meat Loaf Can Teach Us About Grammar

Why the Number 1 Question Meat Loaf Got is the Number 1 Mistake You Don’t Want to Make

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Imagine, for a second, how unbearable it must be to be my child. There are the incessant dinnertime conversation starters. The rules about writing thank you notes. (No use of thank you in the first sentence!) The insistence that no holiday presents are given out until, in the words of one my daughters this year, “we grapple with God.”

Yep, that’s me! Never one to pass up a meaningful conversation.

But on top of all that, I’m a grammar nag. I have a running list of grammar mistakes I openly bug my children not to make.

Imagine my surprise when one of my favorite items on that list made international news a few weeks back as the single most common question that the rock balladeer Meat Loaf ever got.

Let’s go back to the beginning for a second.

In 1993, Meat Loaf, the beefy nickname (pan name?) of Dallas-native Marvin Lee Aday, released the first single off his album Bat Out of Hell II, the follow-up his career-defining debut album, Bat Out of Hell, which sold 43 million copies worldwide and spent 522 weeks on the UK album chart. The single was called “I’d Do Anything for Love (But I Won’t Do That).” It was written by Meat Loaf’s frequent collaborator Jim Steinman, who also wrote Bonnie Tyler’s classic “Total Eclipse of the Heart” and Celine Dion’s “It’s All Coming Back to Me Now.”

Chronicling the narrator's unrequited love, the power ballad groans on and on about the inner torment and desperation of the narrator with all the subtlety of Wagner and all the shortness of Homer. The song lasts 12 minutes. Many a sixteen-year-old in 1993 waiting for paradise by the dashboard lights, to quote that earlier Meat Loaf song, wished it would have lasted longer. Meat Loaf won a Grammy for his performance.

But he also won the eternal confusion of fans. The chorus of the song goes:

I would do anything for love,

I would do anything for love

But I won't do that

No I won't do that

What is the that?

Meat Loaf said it was the most common question he got in his life. And to make matters worse, the singer and songwriter disagree.

The song lists six possible answers:

· Forget the way you feel right now

· Forgive myself if we don't go all the way tonight

· Turn back

· Stop dreaming of you every night of my life

· See that it's time to move on

· Be screwing around

Steinman says the length of this list means the answer is ambiguous. Here’s what he says on his website:

‘I'd Do Anything for Love (But I Won't Do That)’ was the first song I wrote for Bat II and it was definitely a 'Beauty And The Beast' kind of story...What he 'won't do' is said about six times in the song very specifically. It's sort of is a little puzzle and I guess it goes by - but they're all great things. 'I won't stop doing beautiful things and I won't do bad things.'… To me, it's like Sir Lancelot or something—very noble and chivalrous.

Meat Loaf said the answer lies in the previous line. Since a that usually refers to the immediate prior line, then the that refers to this:

But I'll never forget the way you feel right now, Oh no - no way

I would do anything for love, but I won't do that

While this controversy seems destined to be unresolved forever, one conclusion seems uncontroversial: Don’t make this mistake yourself.

And that idea brings me back to my grammar list for my children. One entry is No naked thises or thats. What I mean with that remark is don’t use this or that without a clear antecedent. Not at the beginning of a sentence, not in the middle of a sentence, not at the end of a sentence. As a rough estimate, I would say I see this awkward construction at least two or three times a day.

So, listen to Meat Loaf! You can do anything for clarity, but, please, don’t do that.

☀

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